Heard from above the SimMan

•November 13, 2008 • 7 Comments

Or Things said in Nursing School that will get you a bad nickname

Me: I really need more practice with a penis…

Group (collectively): Bawahhhhhhhh

Back story: Foley catheters on Steve the SimMan/Woman after I successfully cathed Stevette.

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There isn’t always a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow

•November 9, 2008 • 2 Comments

There isn’t very often that one sees the beginning and the end of the rainbow, it isn’t very often that one could look towards the ground below and see where the colors fade.

Today I was standing by the window’s overlooking the city, the sky was cloudy, a light mist in the distance and the two crosses from the old Catholic hospital where in the distance illuminated by the sun peeking through the clouds. 

I felt so incredibly lucky to be working in a place with a view.

I turned and faced my patients before me, most everyone had cleared out, it is a Sunday afterall, patients and staff do not want to be here on a Sunday, so they don’t show, don’t call, like a bad first date remnant.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t?”  I comment, really to know one but myself, but hoping someone will respond.  The elderly man to my right with is wife next to him in a folding chair smiles at me, I smile back and turn to the woman kitty-corner to him.  She stares into nothingness, not even acknowledging anyone.

I go to her chairside and lower myself to where her gaze is at, I ask her if she is okay, she doesn’t respond at first, her eyes blank and staring.  When she finally looks at me all I see is sadness and loss.

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” She says, the weight of her words fall on me.

This was a moment where I didn’t have anything to say, where I was left speechless and burdened with a sadness.  I felt for her, every fiber in my body hurt, often sadness like this not expressed.

Her eyes flickered from my face back to the emptiness of before and I thought about it as I rocked back up to my heels and moved back towards the window. 

I could feel the bleakness she felt at that moment, in her life there was a long string of bleak moments that stretched along every moment she was tied to the machine.  In this place we call an out-patient clinic we have the cheery yellow and green paint of the walls, the 180 view of the city, we have the televisions set on comedy channels and the staff wear bright colored scrubs. 

Somtimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes the path before them is just too bumpy to imagine crossing, sometimes it’s just a bad day.

There isn’t much I can do for her, there are days I feel I have done nothing, I can call the social worker, I can call the doctor, I can check her meds, we can up her anti-depressants.  But the constant in her life is dialysis and the evilness it spreads.

There are people who climb out of this feeling, it’s a normal feeling for awhile, and they find their way out of the darkness, they find something that makes them smile, if even for a moment. 

At the end of the day, as I took her off the machine, flushing her cleansed blood back into her veins, I stuck two fingers between her half-clenched hand as a blood pressure took.  She looked at me for a moment and I smiled, it wasn’t long before she looked away and her blood pressure was taken and her needles were out and she was ready for home.

There isn’t always a pot of gold at the end of those rainbows, but they always end somewhere and usually just past them sunlight appears.

Saturday Bullets:Radio Star Edition

•November 8, 2008 • 3 Comments
  • I was a guest on the Doctor Anonymous show, you can hear me here, the show is about an hour long, I talk about dialysis, my future as a nurse and a few other things.
  • Yes, that is what I sound like, yes I do say um a lot.  I love you too.
  • This week at school we are at the first part of starting IVs, which meant we got to start them on each other! And the SimMan, I got the first one but I need a whole lot more practice before I can feel comfortable with them.
  • But Kim! You stick needles in people’s arms all the time!  I know.  However a fistula is different then someone’s dorsal, cephalic and basilic veins.
  • I got my placement for my Med/Surg rotation for next semester, and I am extremely excited about it. 
  • It is a Level 1 trauma center, yippee!
  • Yea, the Election.  The canidate I wanted to win, did win, this however, is going to be a long road before we can get the country back where it should be.  I wish President -elect Obama the best, but I also hope he realizes that the country is willing to change and that even means him if he does ‘f’ it up.
  • Prop 8 did not pass, it makes me sad but I forsee a change in the future, so we shall wait and see.

 

That’s all I got this week…I’m exhausted and have to work a double shift on Sunday, 18 hours.

See you in a few days.

Blog Talk Radio

•November 7, 2008 • Leave a Comment

drcase

Okay, one last request.

Tonight at 9 pm EST I will be on Blog Talk Radio with the devilishly handsome Doctor Anonymous talking about this very blog, my life so far as a dialysis tech and a first year student nurse. 

You also get to hear my voice.

Ha!

So please go here at 9PM EST or 6PM PST….

I got nothin’

•November 6, 2008 • 1 Comment

But Epi from Pink, Warm and Dry has a beautiful post about dialysis patients and being a medic…

so go there for a quality post.

Hope

•November 5, 2008 • 8 Comments

There was hope in the streets of Seattle last night, I opened my windows and let it in.  I heard voices and couldn’t tell the difference of race, color, creed and sexual orientation.  We had come together to celebrate in the fact that there is hope out there.

I am ready for this change.

What I was not ready for with the passing of Prop 8 in California.

The civil rights of many Americans were just denied because of beliefs of a few.  I feel so very sad for everyone, but especially those who voted yes. 

The hate in this world is unbelievable, and yes, voting yes is hate.  I believe religious views probably came into play, perhaps it was how your parents taught you to behave to vote that way.  But this country is different then it was when your parents were alive and if I have to refer to the Bible, I will say that God is the only one who should judge, not man, not voters, not anyone. 

So, yes I do feel sorry for everyone, I feel sorry for the hate and I feel sorry for those who were denied the right to publically make it official to marry someone.

We are all in this world together, black, white, yellow or purple, gay or straight, Mormon, Muslim, Christian or Anthiast, we’re all stuck on this spinning planet.  Why can’t we all just give each other the right to be who we are and make decisions for ourself rather then denying because we are uncomfortable with it?

On a personal note, I will still go to California, my brother will still have a commitment ceremony with the person he has loved and lived with for the past 7 years.  The small minded will not get us down.

Mark your calenders

•November 3, 2008 • 6 Comments

On Friday, November 7th, 2008 at 9pm EST I will be on the Doctor Anonymous show on Blog Talk Radio.

I would be incredibly greatful if you all could join me with any thoughts or questions, I will be talking about life as a student nurse and dialysis technician along with a few other things, so if you are interested please come by and say hi!

Thanks!