Things that will really irritate your dialysis nurse/tech:

1. Not telling your nurse/tech that you took a fell off your porch and landed on your head this morning until after we just bolused you with HEPARIN.

2. Bringing in a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, eating all of them by yourself then proceeding to vomit all of them up all within the hour, every treatment, oh and you’re a diabetic.

3. Having a ‘good weekend’ does not mean coming in drunk on monday and 8 kilos over.  Yeah, you are going to be vomiting in about an hour and yeah you’re also probably going to cramp.

4. Speaking of cramping.  You do above, what I told you would happen, happens and then you yell at me because you cramped.

5. You pick the scaps off your access arm and wonder why you are in the hospital with sepsis.

6. Refusing to hold your access arm sites after dialysis, then after we taped you up, you break open (because the clamps put too much pressure on the  site) and you refuse to clamp your hand over the bleeding mess.  Uh hello, its bleeding, the goal is to stop the bleeding, don’t stand there with your arms spread open like your Jesus and yell “I’m bleeeeddddinnnng!”

7. You have a tad bit of fluid on (6 plus kilos) and you bring in with you to dialysis a 64 ounce cup of pepsi.  You will get no sympathy from me, I will help you, but I will not be sympathetic.

8. When we ask you if you have chest pain, shortness of breath or have been to the hospital.  Don’t lie to us, we aren’t just asking for fun, it really does matter.

9. Also about lying, do not lie to us about your pre-weight, it only will hurt you in the end.  I don’t care if you weigh 50 kilos or 150 kilos, size does not matter.  Oh and we can tell when you’re fluid overloaded, those puffy eyelids and swollen ankles speak volumes.

10. Dialysis cleanses the blood, so when you’re little drug high wears off in the first hour and you feel like crap, no whinning. 

See I feel better.  Sigh.  Just one of those crazy ass dialysis days.  And no not all patients fall into the above categories, there are some truely wonderful patients who are very involved in their care and try to do whats best for themselves and then there are others…..

 

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~ by Kim on April 7, 2008.

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